


No One Noticed

by Scardaughter



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:51:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4566960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scardaughter/pseuds/Scardaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin has a meltdown...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Justin paced his room, hoping he wouldn't wake Debby and Vic. God they were so nice to him.. He didn't understand why they took him in. He didn't understand why Debby called him Sunshine. He felt the opposite. He didn't know why Elliot or Ted or Michael put up with him. He didn't understand why Brian slept with him. He didn't see the appeal of his body. Well... He was getting there. He promised himself that if he lost just 5 more pounds, he would eat again. He promised himself, 5 more pounds, Brian would love him and fuck him again. 

Justin paced, chest heaving. He couldn't get his breath under control. He knew if he didn't, Debby or Vic would wake up. 

Justin's stomach clenched, aching. He really should have threw up dinner Debby worked so hard on. God, he hated himself. He couldn't stand to look at himself in that fucking mirror. 

He saw red, needless to say he blacked out. He came to, in someone's arms. His fist ached and his body hurt. He groans, opening his eyes. He first saw Vic, staring in from the door. He realized he was fuzzy, he felt his face wet. He knew he was crying. He looked up to see Debby, crying and holding him. 

He heard her foggily mumble.." Sunshine... Oh sunshine..." 

 

He looked down at himself, noting the blood. He saw his hands, bloody. He saw glass around them and saw that Justin actually broke the mirror. He looked down at himself and saw, in his black out that he had cut himself very deeply on his thighs with the glass he got from the mirror. He noticed himself shaking, he heard someone sobbing. He realized it was himself who was sobbing, eyes full of tears, he cling to Debby as he sobbed into her shoulder. He felt his breathing go back to normal, his eyes dry. He also realized he was probably getting blood on her so he pulled away.

." S-sorry.. I g-got blood on you..." He mumbles, voice raw and husk. Debby smacked his shoulder, sniffling." How dare you.. Worrying around me.. Stop it. Sunshine.. Let's get you cleaned up and then we'll talk.." With Debby's help, Justin got to his feet.

He felt a little dizzy so he held into Debby." I got you, sweetheart. I got you.." 

Justin nodded, letting Debby lead him to the bathroom. She made him sit down onto the closed toilet seat as she rummaged around. 

Justin finally look at himself in the light, seeing how he was still bleeding but realized he actually cut his arms as well." That's a first.." He mumbles, stretching out his bleeding forearms. 

"What was that, baby?"

"It-it's just.. I've never cut my arms before.."

Debby stopped and turned to look at him, hands full of toiletries." You mean you..." She trailed off, probably not able to say it.

Justin shrugged." I've... Been doing this for a while.. I haven't had an attack that bad before but.. I've never cut my arms.. That's new also." He explained, looking down at them again. 

There was silence, before Justin looked up at Debby. She was pale, staring at him. He panicked.

"I'm sorry I broke the mirror! Michael is going to be so mad! I promise this won't happen again! I promise! I'll-I'll be quiet! Please, please don't kick me out!" Justin begged, tears filling his eyes.

Debby crouched down in front of Justin and took his shoulder into her hands." Now you stop it! It's okay, Justin! How... How many of these do you usually have.." She asked, hands sliding down to his forearms. He watched her grab the supplies and start to patch up his arms. He flinched away, but sat still.

He shook his head." It varies.. Lately it's been almost everyday.. I never get this bad though.." He spoke softly. He didn't noticed that Debby had shut and locked the door when they got in.

"Please don't tell anyone.. Just you and Vic.. My mother and father didn't even know! Please.. Don't tell..." He said softly, pleading. 

Debby shook her head." Sunshine.. You need help.."

Justin flinched from the words." I'm fine."

"No you're not! Now, I promise I won't tell if you promise to go to therapy."

Justin turned away from her kind eyes." Fine..." He said softly.

Justin let Debby finish, wrapping his arms and thighs up. He allowed her to clean his hands also, which have already stopped bleeding but were bruising already. Debby opened the door and lead him to the kitchen.

Justin sat down at the table, only to be set a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of him. He looked up to see Vic, smiling softly. He picked it up and blew, hopping it would cool down. 

Vic and Debby sat in front of him, watching him as he took a few easy sips. His stomach ached. He put down the cup, preparing the yelling. 

"Son.. You scared the shit out of us.. We thought.. Someone broke in... We rushed in to find you.. Hunched over with the mirror broken, cutting yourself.. Now I want answers.. What happened?" Vic spoke slowly, gently.

Justin shrugged." It's just a little freak out.. It's fine."

Debby and Vic shared a look." Listen, Sunshine.. I'm going to schedule an appoint for you to see someone.. Please go. I'll keep my end of the bargain if you do." 

Justin sighs, knowing they would be on him relentlessly." Fine.. I'll go.. But, after my shift at the dinner. I don't want to mess /that/ up." 

Debby sighs, standing up. She kissed Justin on the head before patting his back." Run along. Get on the couch and sleep." She pointed to it. Justin figured she didn't want him to be alone. He nodded and walked to the couch, laying down. He felt a blanket being put on him and he smiles. He felt himself falling asleep...

-deb-

Debby sighs as she walked back to the table." God.. Poor sunshine.. This is Brian's fault.."

Vic sighs." I don't know.. The kid won't say anything.. I should go up to his room and clean it.. Michael will be here tomorrow." Debby shook her head." No, go to bed.. I'll take care of it." Vic started to protest so she hit the back of his head." Go!" He stood, kissed her cheek and walked to bed.

Debby covered herself, sniffling. She felt so bad for not catching something was wrong with Sunshine. She shook her head and made her way to the phone. She didn't know what to do.. 

"Hey mom, what's up?" Debby heard the loud music in the background, letting her know he was at a club.

Debby sniffles." Baby.. I need your help.."

"Oh my god mom.. Are you okay??"

"I'm fine Mikey.. I-it's Justin.. Um.. I need you, Ted, and maybe Emmet to come over.. Don't bring Brian.."

"Okay mom.. We'll be over soon.."

Debby hung up, hoping everything would be alright.


	2. Chapter 2

Michael shook his head and slipped his phone back in his pocket. He grabbed Em away from some trick he was talking to, the collected Ted at the bar. He pulled them close so they could hear him.

"Listen! Something's wrong with Justin! We need to go and help out! Mom asked for you guys to be there!" He yelled over the music.

Em raised his eyebrows." Why don't you get lover boy to help? Brian's the one who tames him!" Em shouted over the music.

Ted raised his eyebrows."I agree, but what wrong with him, anyway?"

Michael shook his head no." I don't know.. Ma said not to bring Brian! Just us three!" He said loudly.

"Well, you know I love going places I'm not wanted. Let's go boys!" A voice startles them. Their heads snap to where the voice came from, seeing Brian there, all his glory. Brian turned, making his way to the exit.

Michael shook his head." That's not a good idea. Brian!" Michael said as he chased after him. Brian ignores him until they reach the jeep.

"I'm your ride anyway. So get your fairy asses inside. We're going to Ma's!" He yelled, jumping in the drivers seat.

Michael shook his head, knowing this wouldn't end well.

The boys all climbed into the jeep and Brian drove off.

"So, little Sunshine has got himself into some trouble, huh?" Brian said, smirking.

Michael rolled his eyes at him." I suppose. Ma didn't classify. She sounded like she was crying though... If that little twat hurt her..." 

Em frowned." You know that's not like Justin. He loves your mom and would never do anything to hurt her." 

 

"Purposely." Ted commented.

 

"Mm... Maybe Debby wants you to come fetch him.. Maybe he's been a bad boy. Hell, she might kick him out... I might take him back in. At least he's a descent fuck."

Michael rolls his eyes." And THATS the reason you keep letting him come back." Michael said sarcastically.

"What, you think I like him? I'm not into relationships... Especially with a little twink who doesn't know his place." Brian said, rolling his eyes.

 

Michael glanced over at him." You've never slept with anyone multiple times like you have with Justin.." He commented.

Brian rolls his eyes." Come on! The twink means nothing."

"Then why are you here?" Em asked, obviously annoyed by the way Brian is talking about Justin.

"I love me a little drama.. I might get a fuck out of this." 

All the guys groan. 

BJBJBJBJBJBJBJ

Justin woke with a start, sitting up. He looked at the clock, seeing he slept maybe an hour. He felt a little better but ached all over. He stood, groaning. He walked to the cabinets, milling through them. He found the Advil and took a few, taking a water from the fridge. He took the pills and drank the water in silence. He turned, jumping at the sight of Debby sitting at the table, where he left her." Oh, Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!" Debby was just checking him over. He felt very exposed in just his boxers. He crossed his bandaged arms over his chest.

"You're too skinny, Sunshine.." Debby noted.

Justin shrugged." I-I'm just going to show some clothes on.." He pointed to upstairs. Debby shook her head no." No, baby.. I don't want you to see that. I'll grab you something and come back." She stood before he could protest. He sighed, siting at the table again.

God he felt like such a fuck up. He thought, if he tried hard enough, he wouldn't make Debby worry. Now she didn't even want him to go into his room alone. He rests his forehead on the cool surface of the table. He jumps when someone touched his shoulder. He looked up to see Debby, smiling sadly." Here you go sunshine.." She handed him some clothes and turned to make some coffee. 

He was happy to see the clothes were sweats and a long sleeved shirt. As he slips them on, it made him realize how much he fucked up. Now, he couldn't go to Babylon no shirt and shorts.. He definitely couldn't sleep with Brian for a while.. He knew he would be waring a lot of long sleeves and pants in the future. 

He sat back down at the table and sighs. He looks up as Debby sat a mug of coffee in front of him.

"I'm sor-"

"No, Sunshine. Stop apologizing." Debby interrupted, shaking her head.

Justin looks down at the table, only to jump at the sound of the door opening. 

He looked over, only to find the last person he wanted to see... Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to post about everyday so the chapters might be a little short but there will be a lot of them. Comments? Concerns? Complains? Comment! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have protective and loving Em! And the longest chapter so far!

"Hey MA! Hey Twink! How's everyone doing? Want me to take care of the trash?" Brian greeted, putting his hands on Justin's shoulders.

 

Justin flinched from the touch and shook off his hands. He slunk lower in his seat. He didn't want Brian to see him like this. He wasn't skinny enough yet.

Debby glares at Brian, then at the boys who trail in after him.

"I told you not to bring him!!!" She yelled, angry.

"He heard us! Plus he was our ride!!" Michael yelled, defending himself.

 

Justin's mouth popped open." /You/ told them?!!" 

Debby shook her head." No, baby, I didn't. I didn't say anything.. I promised I wouldn't.. Now! Since you're here Brian, you can help. All of you, up stairs now! Justin's room."

"My old room.." Michael mumbles.

Em tilted his head to the side." What for?"

"There's uh... There was an accident.. The widow was open and some terp threw a brick in and smashed the mirror." Debby said, coming up with an excuse.

Justin looked down at the table, slipping his hands into the pockets.

"Jesus! Mom! Are you okay? Christ? Justin, are you okay? You said Justin needed help." Michael said, confused.

Justin looked slowly up at Debby, his eyes, pleading.

"Justin needs help getting the glass from his room.. He's fine.."

"Cut the shit. There's something else going on. Here. No little fucker could throw a brick that high. And Justin NEVER leaves the window open. What happened?" Brian snapped, knowing this was bullshit.

Justin flinched a little and sat there. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't want people to worry about him. He didn't want Brian to know how broken he was. He was depending on Debby. He looked up at her, biting his lip.

 

No one said anything, as Debby tried to come up with an excuse. Ted slipped away as soon as they asked for help with the glass. They heard a "holy shit!" From upstairs. That caused Brian to bolt up there, then then Em. Justin stood up, winching. He hurried up the steps. He wanted to see the damage he had done now his mind had cleared. He heard a "Justin! Stop!" From Debby. He didn't. He kept going up and into his room. He froze when he stepped inside, looking at what he'd done. God he was losing it. Class was everywhere. His room was a mess. All his drawing that used to be hung up were now scattered across the floor. But the worst part was the blood... Everywhere. Debby most have got there too late or couldn't stop his fast enough because blood was on the floor, some on the bed and the wall. Justin looked down and flinched when he found the bloody, piece of glass he had used to cut himself.

Justin wrapped his arms around himself. They ached like hell but he needed some comfort. He felt arms wrap around him and a kiss to the bak of his head." Don't look, Sunshine. Close your eyes.." That's when he realized his chest was heaving. All eyes were now on him. He closed his eyes and sunk into Debby's embrace. He started sobbing, tears streaking down his face." I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He repeated over and over, chest heaving. He felt another pair of arms wrap around him. He heard someone speaking softly. He could make out words like "honey" and "baby" and "it's okay". He felt himself come down, breathing slowly. He opened his eyes to see he was back in the living room. No one was around besides the two people by his side. He looks back and forth between Debby and Em. /That/ was who spoke to him sweetly. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He felt someone wipe tears from his face, he opened his eyes to see it was Em." Hello, sweetheart.. Feel better?" He asked, leaning forward to kiss Justin's forehead. Justin sighs and leans again Em, resting his head on his chest. He felt Debby rub his back. He nodded. "Yeah... I'm sorry about that..." Em shook his head." Don't you apologize, baby.. It's okay." He spoke gently. He felt Em's fingers run through his hair, calming him even more. He sighs softly." Where is everyone...?"

"They're in the kitchen, Sunshine. They wanted to give you some space and privacy." Debby answered. He felt her kiss his head before walking into the kitchen, leaving him wrapped in Em's arms. 

"Why don't you tell Aunty Em what's the matter?" 

Justin sighs and snuggles closer to Em." I just... I'm not..." He shook his head and shut his eyes.

"Let me guess..." Em ran his hand though his hair gently." You feel like you're not good enough for anything.. Maybe you feel really lost... You can't handle the pressure you feel..." Justin stayed silent as Em played with Justin's sleeves." But baby.. You should talk to someone.. If you don't want to talk to a professional... You can talk to me. I've been where you are.. Except I've never.." Justin felt Em touch his arm gently, knowing what he ment." And baby, you don't need to change yourself for anyone. Everyone loves you the way you are.. And I honestly believe Brian love you too." Em spoke gently.

Justin shook his head no." He doesn't like me.. I'm just... Someone he knows.. He hasn't slept with me for a long time.. It's probably because I'm fat.. So I'm working on that.. So he'll want to sleep with me again.." He spoke honestly. He felt Em press his lips to the top of his head." Baby.. I don't know why he hasn't but it's not because of your weight.. You even too skinny.. How much weight have you lost?... And how have you been doing it?" Em spoke gently against his hair.

 

Justin blinked his eyes open, just staring at Em's shirt." I think 5... And I've been doing whatever I can." 

Em sighs softly but nots." Okay baby... Okay." 

Em fell silent for a while, just holding Justin. Justin felt so much calmer in Em's arms. He heard soft talking in the kitchen, he couldn't make out the words to it but knew a few people were talking.

"What do you want to do now, baby?" Em asked softly.

 

"I don't know.. I really didn't want anyone to worry about me.. You guys barely tolerate me as it is.. Especially Michael.. He's probably really annoyed.." Justin spoke honestly.

"Baby.. We met in an unconventional way thanks to Brian but I really do care for you. I know Ted likes you also. And we both know how jealous Michael can get.." They both share a chuckle." But we really do care for you.. You wiggled your cute butt into our lives and I'd rather enjoy it if you stayed." Em spoke, rubbing Justin's back. 

"Thank you Em.. I knew you kinda liked me but.. I'm really happy you care about me.. I though.. You wouldn't really care if I was gone or not.. I knew Debby would be upset.. Maybe Vic.. Maybe Ted.. But I know Brian would care. He might be upset he lost an easy lay but would easily move on... Michael would definitely be relieved.."

Em shook his head." No baby.. Brian, Vic, Ted, Debby, and I would definitely be destroyed if something happened to you. I don't know what Michael would do.." Em spoke against Justin's hair.

 

Justin nodded, understanding." I'm sorry for scaring you.. Thank you for making me feel better."

He felt Em smile against his hair. He felt Em take his shoulders and kill him away just enough to see his face." Anytime. I mean it. If you feel like you can't do this anymore or if you're upset, you call me. I'll be there in a jiff." 

Justin's face broke out in a smile." Thank you.. I might take you up on that offer." 

Em chuckles." You better." He gently kissed Justin's lips before he pulled him close to his chest again.


End file.
